Gerald and I had been best friends ever since I could remember.  We were 12 years old when we first met.  I'll never forget it, that moment had changed my life so much.  Before I go on, I must tell you a few details.  His father had, always influenced Gerald, or Gerry.  This came with many consequences.  Gerry picked up drinking and smoking at the tender age of 16.  It bothered me so, and I felt I had to watch over Gerald.  Our past as kids was very innocent, his brother Mike and I became instant friends.  I trusted Mike with my life, and still do today.
Some have said I'm insane, some have said I'm just some chick who's filled in Gerald's position in his band Opposition.  I'm much more than that.  That's what this is all about, so listen up so you can know the cold, hard truth.

Chapter 1
Gerald was stretched out on the couch when I got to his house.  Mike and I always spent Saturday's going to the park or the mall.  It was a way of life for us, a way for us to have talks about Gerry's condition.  Both of us agreed that if we didn't stop his addictions something could go terribly wrong.  I certainly didn't want that to happen, Gerald meant the world to me.  When the guys were younger they started up a little garage band they called Opposition.  The band was just beginning to get acknowledged and I was so happy to be a part of the whole charade.  It had been my dream since I was a wee little munchkin to be onstage and belting out a song I had composed with some of my closest friends.  I was content with where I was now- it was almost the same.  
I smiled at Gerald's leisured position and poked his ribs.
"Get up buddy."  I loved to agitate him; we'd been at each other's side for so long it was habitual now.  
He reluctantly hauled himself off the ripped couch and slumped to the kitchen.  I knew immediately where he was going and stopped him abruptly.
"Gerry…don't.  You're better than your addiction."  My eyes were full of genuine concern.  He sighed and put his hands on my shoulders.
"You tell me that every time Shawndra.  Please don't try to stop me."  Gerald brushed his hand on my cheek and pressed his lips lightly to mine.  I cringed away from the stench of what was three Jack Daniels on his breath.
"Gerry, please!"
Now before I go on, you have to know Gerry and I were going steady for four years by now.  We were 22, and felt like nothing could stop us.  The feeling of love overpowered anything that we encountered.  But as Gerald's judgment declined, I soon became his second mother.  I loved him so much.  Our relationship was not normal though, sometimes I'd find it hard to admit to anyone I was going out with him.  It wasn't that I was ashamed, I think it was that I was too shy to admit, gasp, that I was going out with a guy!  I was childish like that; thankfully, I can talk openly about it.  Gerald had never treated me wrong, never.
Gerald turned back towards me and slapped me hard across the face.  I stared at him, stunned.  I knew he didn't mean it.  He couldn't.  One cuff to the face couldn't erase all the "I love you's" and "you're my onlys" out of my mind.  Absent mindedly, I put my hand to my now red cheek.  He glared at me, he looked mad for one of the first times in our time together.
"Sorry."  He apologized, but it sounded half-hearted.
I simply nodded and let him go get his beer and smokes.  If he wanted to die it was his choice.  That's what I thought years ago though.
Mike stayed with me for the rest of the day.  He was my "spiritual advisor" if you will.  Honestly, he still is.  He assured me it was just an emotional break for Gerry.  I of course agreed.  I didn't want to think otherwise.  When I got back to their house, where I often stayed (I had a bit of a riff with my mom), Gerard was once again on the couch.  This time though, Rob was sitting next to him telling Gerry comforting words.  Terrors filled me when I realized that that water on Gerry's face wasn't truly sweat like I had believed.  I had reason to think so though; it was hot as ever outside.  The streaks on his face and the gut wrenching cries were him crying.  He barely ever showed weakness.  I ran over to his side and Rob got up.
"Gerry, babe…what happened?"  I hugged him and kissed his cheek.  Rob was a guitarist from Opposition.  Gerry looked at me with bloodshot eyes.
"Me.  I was an idiot.  You're only trying to help me, and there I go…hurting you.  I'm a monster."  He sat up and pulled me into his lap.  His short black hair was messy and I decided upon trying to fix it.
"It was mistake.  Another laps in your judgment.  I forgive you."  I swallowed hard and put my head on his chest.  He was beginning to be skin and bones; he normally had some fat clinging to his frame.
"Thanks."  He barely whispered, brushing hair from my face.  Then something unexpected happened, "Promise me something Shawn."  I barely nodded against his chest.  "Promise me you'll never leave me."
I of course said yes, my voice shaky.  I was on the verge of tears.  I quickly turned towards him and gave him a kiss.
"Love you, Gee."  I then glanced at Rob and Mike.  I knew band practice was soon, so I just nodded and walked up to my adopted room.  I shared it with Mike.  Before I became a usual suspect at the Damier household Gerard owned the bed I slept in every night.  I took out my paper and pen after changing into pajamas and began to write a random song.  I heard a soft tattoo on the door, a sound that was no doubt Gerald's signature knock.  I got up and opened the door.
"We're starting practice, you can come if you want."  Gerald looked me straight in the eyes.
"If you don't mind, I'd rather stay in here and write a bit.  Ok?"  He nodded and looked down at my outfit I changed into.
"I bought you those, right?" He asked.  I looked down at my faerie pajamas.  I remember when he bought me them for my 19th birthday.  They still fit me, the black tank top with a faerie by a lake with exotic flowers blooming around her, the moon reflecting it's orange light onto her fragile skin and the black capris.
I smiled and nodded. "And I still love them."  Gerald winked and closed the door.  
Once he was out of site, I breathed in deeply and put on my headphones.  The words began to flow out of my mind and onto the paper effortlessly.    Halfway through one of my best songs I thought I'd ever written, I was interrupted by Mrs. Damier sweet voice calling my name.  I went down to see what she wanted.  She smiled politely and gestured for me to sit down.
"We need to talk, Shawn."  I couldn't read her face, but her tone said it all.  She wanted to have another talk about Gerald.  I can't count how many times we've done that.
"Gerald business right?"  She rolled her eyes and smiled sarcastically.
"I'm trying so hard Mrs. Damier.  Please understand."
"Oh I know sweetheart.  Believe me, I know.  I heard about what he did this morning, and I have to apologize.  You know that that is not Gerald's normal behavior.  Shawndra, when you and Mike stepped out to talk, he fell to pieces.  He completely broke down!  I'm convinced the alcohol and smoking was the problem, you stopped Mike from getting into the habit.  You can stop Gerald, even if it takes a long time.  We all love you, especially Gerry.  You can be the hero.  You could save his life."  
At that point in my life, I believed I could.  I thought there was a chance I could be the one who could protect him.  I was ever so wrong, as was Mrs. Damier.  Sure she was assuring herself I could save his life, but now I've fulfilled my childhood dream of being a rock star at the expense of Gerry's life.  He always said I had a lovely voice.  I never expected his will would appoint me as singer of Opposition.  Now I have people accusing me of murder.  Why would I kill Gerald?  The love of my life…